Scared about the future...

Do you know what sucks? Having to choose a university course that will determine the career that you will be apart of for the rest of your life...when you're only seventeen. I know that this is a common issue in today's society, but I wanted to give you my thoughts on it.

To be honest, I'm scared. I'm scared that I have chosen a course based on the fact that I enjoyed the subject at school. But school is so different to the real world. I'm also scared that I have chosen a course that will make me good money one day, and that makes me seem smart and intellectual. I'm scared that once I leave uni and start properly working in this field, that I'm going to hate it. I'm scared that I might enjoy the career at first, but start dreading going to work every single day after a few years. Life is scary, full stop.

Here's my story;

From a young age, I loved animals (and still do), but I always knew that I wanted to be a vet. As I went through high school, I realised that I'm probably not smart enough to be a proper veterinarian (I wasn't the best at science) but maybe a vet nurse would be good. However, after completing my year 11 work experience at a vet clinic, I realised that there was no way I would do that for the rest of my life. Yes, I love animals and want to help them, but spending the rest of my working days sticking tubes down dogs mouths, cutting open their stomachs, and cleaning bloody utensils, just isn't something that I want to do.

At the time, I was doing psychology as a subject in school. I was getting straight A's, and ended up getting a 94% in my end of year exam. I don't know if this was because I was good at the subject, or simply because my teacher was a stoner, but I thought, "yes, this is what I want to do!" Here comes another 'but' - when I started year 12, I was stressed about getting the 94 atar that I needed to get in to the Psychology Honours course (a 4 year course in which after that I would have to complete 2 years of my masters in psychology to finally become a clinical psychologist). This is an extremely high score, and on top of this, I wasn't getting the best grades in my psychology subject (averaging a B).

Throughout year 12, I was constantly changing what I wanted to do in the following year. Teaching, teaching english as a second language overseas (I had this vision that I wanted to live in Paris and teach english), nursing, journalism, creative writing, but in the end (maybe a rushed decision?) I decided to go with psychology. Even though I wasn't doing the best in the subject, I really enjoyed it and found the content interesting.

In the end, I only got a 91.3 atar (which is still good, but not initially enough to get access into honours). What I thought I had to do was enter a normal psychological science course, and then work my ass off over the next few years and hope that I get offered a spot in honours.

Anyway, uni offer day came around and I reieved an email that would ultimately determine the next few years of my life. And to my surprise, I was accepted into my first preference, Bachelor of Psychology Honours, at my preferred university. The cut off for this university was an atar of 96 in 2015, but dropped down to 91 in 2016. I couldn't believe it - it was pretty much a miracle.

I'm into my fourth week of university, and I'm somewhat enjoying it, however it is a lot of work. My doubts aren't coming from my university course, but from the job itself. In about six to seven years time, I will have to hold the problems of my patients on my shoulders. I won't just have to deal with my own life, but others' too. Is this something that I really want to do?

Of course I want to help people - this is one of the main reasons I'm doing psychology - but will I really be able to help them. I've been through some hard times in my life (this is a story for another day), and so I want to be able to help people who are going through similar things. But what does this mean for me?

I have so many questions that will only be answered with time. And to be honest, I'm scared of what the answers will be. Growing up is hard, and I am only starting to realise just how hard it is. But there's nothing I can really do about it. This is life. This is my life. I can either make the most of it and live it, or I can simply sit here and worry about it.

Are you going through a similar thing at the moment? Let me know in the comments below, or simply send me an email.

This is Me...Offline Xx

This is me...when I'm not online

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how I want to write more. I'm an excessive reader (basically when I'm not online, I'm reading) and when I am online, I'm blogging about and reviewing books. I've always wanted to write a book, but whenever I try I just can't get in to it.

I think this is because I'm writing about what I don't want to write about. What I want to write about - I think - is myself. "Maybe," I thought, "I should start writing another diary." But who else is going to read it except for myself? "Maybe," I thought, "I should start writing a memoir," but who wants to read a book about a seventeen year old (eighteen in two months) who hasn't really done much in her life. "How about," I decided about ten minutes ago, "I start writing a blog about my everyday life."

So here I am, sharing with you guys (if there is anyone out there reading this) my life. For once, I'm not blogging about books, nor am I trying to write a fictional book. Instead, I'm blogging about me. And this is me;

Like I said before, I turn eighteen in a couple of months which I am totally freaking out about. Should I have a party? If I do, who do I invite? I'm not going to tell you my name or where I live. I want this to be kept as anonymous as possible. I've started my first year at uni a month ago; I'm studying a Bachelor of Psychology (Honours) as I hope to one day be a clinical psychologist. And no...I cannot read your mind. I have grown up with two brothers, I'm the middle child, and with two parents who are happily married (mostly).

Like I mentioned at the beginning, I love to read and I also have numerous social media plat forms in which I blog about books (Instagram, YouTube, and Goodreads). My favourite book is The Fault in our Stars. But I'm here to talk about more than just that. I love dogs (my dog is my best friend) and I also really enjoy listening to music. I play a bit of guitar, but I haven't recently since I've grown my nails out.

I don't have a lot of close friends, and I've always envied those who do. I'm hoping to make some really good friends from uni. I'm glad to say that so far I have made a few, but only time will tell I guess. I've always been a bit introverted, but I seem to be coming more and more out of my shell with age - I'm a lot more confident now than I used to be.

What else...I love TV shows and movies. My favourite TV shows would have to be Friends, Gossip Girl, Neighbours (to name a few). And on of my favourite movies would have to be How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days - it really depends on what mood I'm in though. My favourite sport is netball, but I love to watch people dance (I used to dance myself). But I'm not really the sporty kind; I prefer to lie in bed with a good book, or something to watch.

Anyway, I probably should be working on my uni assignments right now, so I'll end this blog post here. The rest of my posts won't be like this; this was more of a 'get to know me' kind of thing. From now on I'll be talking about my day, my thoughts, and just me in general.

Comment below if you have recently started uni, college, school, etc, and how you're going with it so far?

- This is Me Offline Xx